when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
