I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
