Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
