Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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