did you get engaged???
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
