just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
