Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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