Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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