Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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