Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
