I seem to have left my pride at pride
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
