I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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