I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
