If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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