it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
