I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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