I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
