He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this beer tastes like vomit already
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
