the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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