i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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