His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i love accidental penises.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
