you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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