Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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