Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize