I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
