I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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