So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
