I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
