just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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