I haven't been this sober since birth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
