To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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