My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
