My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
