i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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