how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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