Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
