But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
