I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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