I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
