there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize