you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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