You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
