I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
