I'm going to jail i love you
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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