Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
