I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
