Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
