well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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