can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
