i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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