I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
