if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
