forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
