If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
