u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
