i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
