I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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