I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
