Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
