the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize