I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I love black thongs
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
