my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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