Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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