I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
