Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
