you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
