I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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