weddingsv make me drug and hornr
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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