stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
