The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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