I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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