like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
